Emotionally invalidating Adult swing chat italya
Last Spring I made up this quote, based on a lot of reading I had done by Dr. I find that when I have little quotes like this in my mind, it helps me in the moment with my own children, and helps me when counselling parents.
If I remember, I am more likely to sit and really listen to my children’s perspective, without trying to change their mind. Once I have heard their feelings, I will validate them and summarize back what I heard. You are really mad that I’m sending an email when I just told you that it was time for you to finish on your i Pad.” “You’re telling me that you’ve had an awful day, and feeling really upset and just want to have a quiet evening.” “You and your brother/sister have just had a big argument and now you are so angry, you wish that she had never been born”.
If I can see that their behaviour is escalating and I ask for them to explain what they’re thinking and feeling at that moment, it can quickly dissipate the emotional reactivity. The important message is that it’s okay to have big, strong feelings, but not to have accompanying aggressive behaviours toward others or property.
For some children, just talking about their feelings may be enough for them to calm down, others may choose to lie on their bed and give themselves some calm-down time, whilst others may have a different calming down space or activity in your home.
Maybe you are surrounded by toxic relationships and you are not even aware of it?
However, the invalidation may come in seemingly harmless statements from otherwise well-meaning people.
Each experience of emotional abuse is tragically individual, making it hard to set a standard for what classifies as abuse and what does not.
Regardless, emotional abuse is a serious threat to victims’ mental health and causes shifts in behaviour and self-perception.
I understand that this can be hard to accept, but it is a very human phenomenon.
It has various causes, all dancing in and around the same set of beliefs, or Gestalt.